If you do, say for a month, please let me know if you notice any improvement in your relationship! A few family members told me to tell my girlfriends mum & dad (nana, granddad) to back off & give us some space when he was born because they were always round us & wouldnt let us breath. (And have your partner or another caregiver do the feedings, so your baby gets used to taking her meals from someone else.) It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. Getting the Right Child Care. yes its also my in-laws first grand child but at times i feel there are selffish. As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. . The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). Its a heartbreaking situation for which I cannot give an explanation When I go to pick up my baby from my in-laws, on one side I am looking forward to picking him up and see my baby but then I am always reluctant to open that door and find that he does not even have a smile for me and be faced with another big disappointment. Im in a bit of a no win situation here, I am expecting my first child with my partner, he has a daughter by a previous marriage , my job requires me to work out of the country for 4 weeks then I get 4 weeks off at home and so on. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. My baby is now 10 months today n when daddy comes home from work he just want to be with him i reach my hands to him n he doesnt want me to carry him but if my husband goes and trys to get him he automatically goes with him:'( im feeling really down But when daddy goes to work is different he wants me but it seems that is only choice he has .. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. Now I just started work, and she doesnt even bat an eyelid when I leave or when I get home, I try and play with her and she still ignores me most of the time, or gets mad and wants daddy. Is there anything i can do to help them bond? There is simply no replacement for a mother, period. Bonding can start at any time, even at 15 months old, even though it can take a bit longer to establish at that point. She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. I have always been very close to my 18 month old girl. So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. Or that babies dont do that. At around 7-10 months many babies go through stages of separation anxiety and stranger anxiety, meaning that they are terrified to be left alone and/or meet strangers. 1. You sound beyond sad, really despairing. In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. But when I worked at being breezy, he seemed to want to be around me again. I see you're still nervous. I feel so down. I know its not fun for her and I think that is why she rather remain with her father. She is almost 10 months old. It is good to know that I am not the only who has this feeling that their own children doesnt love them. I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. baby rejecting mom after going back to work They live in the moment and cannot cope with the longing, because they have no real sense of time. It is an intensive period. Mom of two and creator of Mindful Return, an e-course and blog for moms heading back to work after baby, this woman knows her subject. Rather the contrary; that you have helped him become so secure that he is now ready to face the world. Up till this point she has always been a happy child, always smiling and loved everyone. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. I?m thinking to move away from his grandparent so that they can only visit from time to time, but I?m worried it will affect him. Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. Be proud of the fact that you are doing such a good job of making your daughter take you for granted that is exactly what a baby needs; to always know in her heart that mom is there for her no matter what. Also, its kind of like when you go on holiday and leave your cat, when you come home the cat can be pretty miffed with you for leaving them, it can take a while for them to come round. The short answer to that question is, thankfully, no. Pin it or frame it at a place where you can give a quick look. If she is upset, she will never come to me and screem when I hold her. However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. Especially when you have a insane father constantly making complaints and accusations your way just to get the child from you. I encourage you, because Ive been there, to seek help if youre struggling with depression. But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. During the COVID-19 pandemic, the number of women in the workforce fell by 500,000 more than men.And in early 2022, Deloitte reported that 53% of women had higher stress levels than the previous year. I dont know what to do. I am not looking to be judgedthere is no other way around this o have to work to pay my mortguage and bills, is anyone in this situation that could offer advice ? If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. in the meantime I feel like a monster that frightens her ??! Every experience is different, but generally, it takes around six weeks to feel relief from most postpartum symptoms after having a baby. Now my problem seems to be that she doesnt like me very much, I think myabe she remembers my tears and frustration with her and cant forgive me. Newborn Baby Rejects Dad. Give your girl as much time, love, attention, and body contact as you can. i feel sad and discouraged i know that i shouldnt show it to her.. but i often wonder where i went wrong. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. Right now, all she really needs is love, skin contact and food. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. First of all, I think you should try to talk to your parents about how you feel and that you need their help. Best of luck. she cries for grand mother . First, talk to your mom about how you feel. Although I?m not working my mother in law takes care of him most of the time as he hates to be with me. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. In all honestly, she did take a bottle eventually. I have always done international travel (3-4 weeks at a time) and adjusting back with my 3rd daughter was always difficult. Sometimes a baby who is refusing to breastfeed may feed well in a different position (e.g. this week she turned 9 months and she has somehow attached herself to my mom. Im the one that takes care of him all the time when he sick has a bad dreamect like today my husband went to work and he cried I went to pick him up he didnt want anything to do with me. My son is now 14 mos old and he is bonded to me. It is not uncommon that a baby has periods of preferring one parent over the other, but it can be a bit of tabu and maybe something that people avoid talking about as if the rejected parent is doing something wrong. If the baby doesn't like this, try again later. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. His mother lets him do what he wants when he wants while Im at work, so I have no say so in the fact. Your little one will still be provided with consistent, loving care. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. do my twins love me less? I wrote on this thread a year ago in despair and check in periodically when Im emailed that a new post has been made. So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. But I see no end to this..I will never forgive myself for missing out on all those beautiful beautiful moments that I have been robbed off. Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. Can someone give me a lil advice to help me. She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. Thank you so much for responding so quickly! She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. You may think shes trying hard to not like you, but it is that phase of life where they seem to be reacting differently. A very sleepy baby may accept a bottle without even realizing it, so if your baby's resisting, try slipping in that target near the end of a nap, when she's still half asleep. Its easy for the preferred parent to dismiss our emotions. I know, because Im starting to have this horrible fog lifted, that it IS true that somewhere in my childs heart and soul he knew/knows the intensity of my love for him, and all those thankless moments, all those times of carrying out a mundane parenting task feeling heartbroken do not go unnoticed on some deep cosmic level. Im in the military so its not like I can go and just quit my job (even though I thought hard about it). Babies can feel our tension. I have a beautiful six month old baby girl, who was premature, so she had to stay in the hospital for a little over 2 weeks after she was born. He has always preferred my husband I too have PND but I feel the fog lifting and now I am not sure if I should see anyone or not. After all, during their first twelve months babies still physically need mother's milk. First of all, I totally understand that your daughter mainly wanting you is very painful for her mom and it is considerate of you to try to help fix the situation. why does my 17 month old ignore me?? Just being honest with you. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. No phone, no talking to your wife, no planning of the next day at work. My daughter doesnt cry when she is with me but she just doesnt want to cuddle or be close. They all saw it for themselves as we were all on holiday together, but its my girlfriends mum & dad not mine but she doesnt see a problem but only a farther will tell. I am a house mum now and have been all my sons life. Try "introducing the mouth to the bottle" rather than trying to get the baby to drink. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. Even though i always play with him and tell him stories and sing to hime and he always sleep holding his hands around my neck . Please help me to know what is the problem? my 13 month old is having the worth temper tandrums ever. fnaf security breach drawings sundrop. Not that your girl has bonded too much with your mom; it is actually great that she feels safe with grandma too, but that you feel that you need to work on your relationship with your daughter, since you are away from home and work. My 20 month old is very particular to the fact that he doesnt need me! This has been completely devastating to me. he not only preferred my partner but seemed to dislike me, which people have told me is silly for a newborn, but I really think it was true. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. I want to know if there are commonalities that us moms share. Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. Moms Question: I bathe with her, I nurse her, I stay up with her in the wee hours of the night, I sing to her, I play with her, I carry her, I feed her, I change her I cannot fathom how she could possible love her caregiver or father more than me. Even if its only by God and me I suppose. Paula is right. All of a sudden our 9 month old son seems to prefer his daddy over me. The wrong nipple was used and baby has become a little lazy. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. To all that have posted their thoughts in regards to what I felt was complete rejection. I know that nobody is going to want to hear this but your relationship with your child might never be the same if you just ignore it. i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. Like he likes seeing us fight over him, gets an almost devious smile to see that hes hurt my feelings. For the mom with low milk supply who is supplementing with bottles her baby may start refusing to breastfeed. thank you for writing tips on coping. Feed your milk to your baby. She doesnt come when i call out to her. Am a single mum living with my parents. Her siblings ask the same thing and how she became that way. Though I have a rule that at night and until I go to work, only i take care of her needs. Instead, these are 3 things that I didn't expect to be blessed with when going back to work. Im so glad I found this post! Laura, youre not silly, youre human! Im Paula and you can read about this website and how it all started here. i also wrote here several months ago. Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. she cries alot wen i pick her back from wrk . He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. Here are five ways you can get ready to go back to work. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. How can you respond when he's overly attached to one parent? I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. Please help me out of this. I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. this time we were alone in the room. They dont remember, they dont understand why and it all becomes a hopeless power struggle. it is breaking my heart. For many people, this factor carries the most weight in their decision. The older they get, you can record bedtime stories, or even films when you read to them or play with them. She has now outgrown the reflux but has become a very fussy feeder.Her early months were very black for me, both myself and my husband would get very upset and frustrated when trying to feed her- me moreso I guess as I did it more. Paula, please give me some advice! I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. I totally understand that you are thinking about another job, and maybe that isnt such a bad idea over time But until then or if you choose not to, there are a few things you can do. Try movement like rocking 4. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). She preferred me up until recently. I am really concerned with my family in the way how my daughter prefers only me when I am around. It sounds similar to what many of you have posted, and Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this. I am a stay at home mom, I give her stimulation when she wants it by giving her tummy time or playtime with me or her bouncy. And I suspect it isnt helping your wife either. Each baby will react differently and in their own way, so it's good to try alternatives until you find the right fit. I am the one who always has to make contact if I want to see her or my grandkids. Talk to your employer to determine the frequency and length of federally-protected pumping breaks. Its so disheartening and hurtful, but Im glad (how bad is that?!) This baffles me. When I go to pick her up from day care, she wont even respond when she sees me. That doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. I hope its just a phase. Secondly, your daughter does not hate you. Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. This was very hurtful to me, in fact, I cant even articulate how painful it was. I understand how worried you are, especially since you are expecting a second child in two months. Mom is getting really depressed with this and is the reason for many of the heated arguments between us. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! the only way she would stop crying is if i gave her to her caretaker. I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. So worried he is forgeting about me. The rational part of me says that this makes sense because he is with daddy more than me at the moment. Most likely, your son is going through a phase when he is turning out towards the world. I dont know how to explain this to him, I just wanted to say, its not my problembut on the other hand, i dont KNOW what the problem is either! When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. There are a few things I would like to say to you. Try to sit back and be proud of yourself! He is a very sweet baby, has a smile for everyone so I cannot understand why he acts like this with me, on the other hand my husband and my in-laws are obviously overjoyed to see that he is always smiling to them and acknowledging them. This has been for pretty much his whole life. This means (in your daughters case) that only dad will do, that she might express that she wants to marry dad and that she might protest violently if you and your wife kiss, for example. the other thing i discovered is that she is often reflecting what my own personal mood is. When I am around, I try to maximize my time with all the children playing, reading, dropping off and picking up from school and even going out and it seems to work great for my older two. When she was 5 months old, daddy came back.the moment she saw my husband at the door was a funny one. You sound like you are in very bad emotional shape. Unfortunately I allow my feelings to get hurt too easily. Planning ahead can make the transition easier. Shes the most amazing thing in the world. She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. So here comes my last advice. there were times that she slept with my caretaker before i got home to take her to our room could it be this? I think I made a huge mistake leaving her for 4 months But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. I am not a horrible mother, in fact I am a stay at home mother. I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. I strongly recommend you to get it! If she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun. Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. But they have become my competitors And I start having bad feeling towards them. After college Im with her all the time, I play with her, feed her, do things that I feel is bonding but she still prefers my mother when given the choice. By Alice Gibbs On 6/23/22 at 12:17 PM EDT. My baby boy is 6 moths and I know he prefers dad. It was very stressful for me not getting help for 7 months and throughout pregnancy. I am so sorry to hear about your situation and your pain. He pushes me away tells me not to tell him I love him. Begin pumping ahead of time and build up a supply of frozen milk, if possible. In addition, she might have trauma and losses in her background to deal with. Since you are at home, you have a lot of chances. I had to start work when he was 3/4 months and I was busy doing other thing before I guess looking back at it now it was just so I do not fall into depression. Even worse, today my husband and I took her to the baby classes, she suddenly refused me to hold her and wanted my husband only. Congratulations on your little daughter. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. And since you have been at home with him, youre not very exciting. Just continue to be there for her and show that you are still around even if things are not exactly like before. I cant help having my heart broken. Because my Mom lives with me and is ALWAYS there, there is no line between day time care and home. 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