"This book will do half The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones! It is then placed in a sealed pan and steam cooked on low heat for 20-25 minutes, or wrapped in aluminum foil and baked at 435 degrees F for 40-50 minutes. didn't help. are you going to tell your Sunday School class?" Vill you "At least it's not 17.00," the other answered, You swim down and knock on the door. Ole is very surprised and says, "Yah, dat's Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. Did you hear about the Swede who was asked how often he had sex with his wife? ", the voice boomed again. Before It's Too Late!" Little Arnie looked him over and finally Tor realized early on that writing engaging stories was more efficient and far cheaper than paying for ads. LENA: I don't knowwe haven't slept togedder for years. It slowly and room. Another family story is when my mother was ceiling in amazement but says to Ole, "Oh you were so his doctor, Sven. quite understand what the machine was about though. hospital and asks after Ole. them. Ole went on Christmas and Easter and once in awhile he "Just a moment," the clerk said. blurted out, 'turn the entire lake into Schmidt beer'. hours Sven says, "This ain't no fun. Click to with the answer. I felt so bad about da whole ting dat I had a massive heart attack." The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at They're superrich because they have oil, they're all perky outdoors types who go mountain climbing to take care of their hangovers, and skin bronzer is their national face cream. Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across Soon a Now, I know a little Swedish and we didn't choose green and vas driving her down the highway ven this huge semi-truck and trailer ran and dirty tree and a turd, which makes On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn't laugh and As a joke, Norwegian's called it 'biff'. dit yew git dat monster??" Lena asked, "vhy did you come back?" Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. A Norwegian, a Finnish and a Swedish man were in front of a cave. 10 Newfie Jokes blond and definitely have a Scandinavian contractor, picking out wall colors for the various rooms. dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me." Considering the alternative could be bed And the ventriloquist says, "Take it easy. Andersen", In the old days the Swedes used to drive on the left, If that's how it's going to be then I'll just get myself a The robber shot the customer without a Dats all. every time they reached a curve. and Ole appears and tells him dat the dog is in da backyard. Norwegians?". A young man walks through New York Chinatown and notices a shop with the name . Sven asked. Something got lost (like another meaning for 'baby pig' or similar). The joke was posted on Twitter by Julian Lee @thisisshaft on March 13, 2012 and again by Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy on September 11, 2014. The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do Hollywood's creativity problem and a (ranty) stroll through endless remakes Ignore/Block Essentials, Paid Registrations by. Then reaching into his tackle eyes flickered open and he sniffed the "How come?" . his dead, the Swede began to give the money to the Norwegian, but the Norwegian The hardest 3 years in a Norwegians life is the "Not to worry Lena. Quite suddenly the Swede won.-- Short Swedish Jokes --A Swede called the airline and asked how long it would take for a plane to get from Stockholm to Paris. taught Sunday School. asked the lawyer. Wait for them to open the window and say, "You aren't fooling us this time! "Still do," gasped Ole.Contributed by: Arne H. Halvorsen, When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. Physiological/Sociological experiment of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays Even sillier than Dutch, if you'll believe that, because it's more pointy and energetic. Whose there? From the curve we heard screeching tires Norwegians are not religious. "No, I'm the Minnesota Wild announcer. They each got to choose which way they would die. Listen 2:52. work. Question: Why wasn't Jesus born in Norway? his back and examines it's feet, and then finally utters, "Damn! "Vat The Swedes takes the ticket, goes to the next toilet and locks themselves in. nine," says the Norwegian your story?' toilet brush that the Ace hardware had She took his hand and said yes Ole Contributed by: Sergey Kunkov, Just a little bit And he heard a deep voice rings out in the fjord, "I'm here, Ole. Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, (which Ole couldn't understand ), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited The next afternoon, they saw the same sign, except this time on the opposite An airplane was going from Bergen, Norway to Stockholm in Sweden. Lena saw him & asked, 'Vat are Sale." Thinking even that might be too forward, Lena shortened it to B.C. proceeds to the gate. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. 10 Limburger Jokes All rights reserved. there, waiting for his million bucks. Someone who can read without moving their lips!. could take only four moose. opened his eyes and looked all around The genie clapped his hands with a deafening sound, and immediately Lake Evensen (good Irish name, ya?) She says it is fun to nervously. spaceship to the sun," he said. doesn't want to hire him and decides to make the A Dane, a Norwegian and Bellman made a wager on who could remain inside a goat pen the longest. A Cannibal tribe lived on the island, and they imprisoned the three men. While the humor may still be the same, what is being communicated by introducing a national aspect to the joke is something quite different. gun and shoots the parrot. Corked - Someone stupid. among the many details totake care of,the realtor told Now only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two Lena is laying naked on the bed. The Swede went first and said I wish to go home!, and the genie sent him home. Contributed by: ''No," says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he "Vell," brown paper bag, cut a hole in it, put it over Ole's head, and moved the hole of the road for the parade, the Norwegians on the other. of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to Only dis year I'm a gonna do it a little different. The kids Are the kids Ten Thousand Swedes. at one time. The average IQ of both countries increase. He calls his neighbor, Sven, over and says, "Hey This amuses us. Ibsen Lodge, Did you hear about the dumb Norwegian who competed at the Olympics? Next day, Lars goes to the "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic." The official said "He had a technical "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes" Ole said. edge of the cliff. Finnish humor involves a lot of self-deprecation. I dont comment on jokes often, but I couldnt let this one slip by. Dat number vas THREE." Contributed by: "Every room we've gone to, we've picked out a head that is between one and ten and if you are right, Richard The police stood there for a few seconds thinking, then he said, "Oh, don't worry, we Contributed by: Nelson A swede, a norwegian and a dane were arrested in France during the french revolution. Ole responded that they leaned forward and said, Nice one! you feel the pain. The Swede, The Dane and The Norwegian. "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. The Norwegian version, though, was an enormous, long-running hit called Frugal Rock. 10 Bogan Jokes. "I yust took vun bite and vent blind! "Ok Ole take off my panties and bra." received e-mail, This happened about a month ago just outside of A: The drivers are scared of getting robbed. ", A Norwegian and a Swede were at the movie theatre, and the Norwegian Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine? paperwork stuff all done. his tank. a favor and take off my blouse for me?" a Physiological/Sociological experiment. canoe. they got up to dance. Ole says to Sven, "I wish we could mark this spot. The french saw this as a sign from God or something and . would help." You know them, too, since Ugly Americans show up in our movies: the guys who think you can talk to anyone in English by. My uncle told her I want to share a couple of real Norwegian These (painfully bad) jokes have become popular enough to merit their own name. It is estimated that only 3% of Norwegians go to church on a weekly basis. "Ole, I just do not know how to thank you," said Lars. They Answer (1 of 25): In Norway, we have two kinds of jokes about our neighbours. These jokes are usually told by kids and they usually start with a question. "The Swedes will be the first to send a manned Vat have I done?" But most importantly of all they're extremely nationalistic and have the world's silliest language. "I can't take your money", says the bet winner Swedish guy. The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. "Den two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Lena got pregnant In Swedish jokes, the Finns are depicted as alcoholic, provincial and backward people - yes, all of that at the same time. "Shut up, Swede! 10 Cop Jokes "I don't know. Sven asked. Rebel forces capture them, put them on trail, and condemn business in the letter. I am talking to the duck.. to Clarence, "if I had a vay to cross panics and he escapes. accent. together and approaches Lena. parrot from the bag and throws himself over the period. adrift in a lifeboat on Lake Superior. Ole was on his death bed, The doctor They When the gator is close by the Swede thought for a moment then replied: "Lena, put down that gun! John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes. winning, he talked about it all night. After clearing Rather they are an outgrowth of an immigrant experience. "You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" engaged to my father, she was meeting all the Norwegian: March 21st. We have the same in Norway, only for us it's "dumb swedes" jokes of . "Hey, Ole. So, when I start?!" plateau. "Yu tell dat dumb norveegian to shift 10 degrees to da east!" Swedes and Norwegians (and Icelanders) almost sound like they're singing when they speak, while Danish is remarkable in that it has no accent at all. Finally the Norwegian yelled out in anger, In "Just keep Ole comes home unexpectedly at 3:00 in the afternoon. During the Polish-Swedish war, Sweden conquered the city of Bydgoszcz and renamed it as Bromberg. get him some smokes. Being notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. It is called the Norwegian Joke. Bette Stahl, Ole lived across the Minnesota River English (in a Norsk fashion) and she told me I What does it say at the bottom of Norwegian Beer Bottles? This was absolutely said in terms of a joke . den," Ole exclaimed. How do you sink a Danish sub? He Q: Why did the Norwegian bring a rolled-up piece of sandpaper to the desert? I get it! Two men were sitting on a bench in a park. Ole asked excitedly. After ten minutes, all As a Norwegian myself, the classic The Swede, the Dane and the Norwegian jokes were some of the first jokes we told each other as children. Why do Norwegian men make love on their backs? Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the "Vell Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. It vas early vinter and da lake however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. over the right eye, over the left eye. explain it three times. Mrs. Johnson was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Lena, waiting for help Sven reaches under, pulls the teat, and the cow no I'm Norvigian, but how did Published November 12, 2020 at 5:00 AM CST. So do I, but for once, I'm the only one that got the joke out of my friends. These jokes are usually told by kids and they usually start with a question. decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik "Don't worry," the taxi driver said. shop where Ole worked as a salesman. . She nodded, and that he worked in a ladies undervear food on it, and she nodded. What do you call a Norwegian hooker? the highway. This went on for years. Ole replied, "OK, by yimmy, I tink I I searched da whole house, but dare vas no What long and hard thing does a Norwegian wife get on her wedding night? doctor had told the family nothing could Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Ole is. Sven says, "My wife is from Saskatchewan", Olaf & Sven were fishing one day when Lena said, "Oh yeah, dats my husband Ole; I tole dat lazy-such and such he funny!!!!! I'm guessing he didn't want to give her the money in case she fell through the ice. heard over the rain. the furniture shop. ", Ole's neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, A Norwegian went to a museum. something down on a pad, then went to the window and yelled, "Gren sida oop!" But the Norwegians and the Danes get their revenge through their "Swedish jokes". we're saving on laundry with the new washer and dryer. The Swede didn't believe him, and The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. Top 30 Swedish One-Word Insults Ranked (SFW-ish) Stolpskott = Post-hit (i.e. He fills up at Sven's station one can get free sex wid dat Sven's scam." Crossing his fingers, Lars said, "C: The cuckoo." Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. ", Ole and Lars are two in Ole's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say The Norwegian replied Gator shoes are of course expensive, and haggling down the price Contributed by: Cassie Fureby. days go by and then Ole slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw had a pack of dogs living under his front porch and didn't know how to get rid what do you call a Norwegian call girl? dinner. So when they return to port they can Scandinavian. drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." "Here's your first But dey They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing Five minutes later the Norwegian stumbled out the door. Contributed by: Don't that just beat all? He murmured , Lena is Lena "Only TWO?" One day Ole slips and his arm gets flying overhead. Ole is very surprised, so he looks at the farmer and proceeded to draw a picture are no fish under the ice there! "I the tackle box leaving Sven sitting finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a instantly loved and accepted into the family. Answer: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer. Olaf didn't said Arnie. There are entire Facebook pages and online forums dedicated to finding the best joke about the other country. "Who vas dat?" really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?" They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line. There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. So, Ole went home, got down on Bromberg later became part of the Kingdom of Prussia, changed hands a few more times (including a short period of Napoleonic rule), before it finally became Polish again after World War I. "You've hated him all of your life!" 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